Trump Makes Chicago Great Again

Trump’s agenda for greatness began in Chicago — in neighborhoods that were a hodgepodge of single-family homes, bungalows, two-and-three-flats, and apartment buildings. Most were in various states of disrepair. Abandoned buildings with boarded-up windows and doors peppered the landscape. Mixed in were properties where one could tell that the owners tried to keep their little slices of the area well-kept and tidy, with maintained front lawns. Large vacant lots consisting of bare earth where only the most heartily obstinate weeds grew, dotted the area like teeth that had rotted and been yanked away.

When the wind blew, clouds of dust from vacant lots blew like mini-sandstorms, forcing you to close your eyes. When it rained, mud seeped through the broken and cracked sidewalks. Snow quickly turned into depressing gray and brown hillocks and narrow paths like deer trails, where vacant properties never got shoveled. Snow-covered potholes hid in the roads to gobble car tires.

Something was Wrong

It was Summer. A nervous feeling of impending danger hovered in the stagnant, sultry air of the overcrowded slums. As the afternoon sun-baked the atmosphere into visibly undulating waves of heat, residents sensed something that gave them a heightened anxiety. It was a feeling of impending, yet undefined apprehension. Gang violence – typically a commonplace accompaniment to daily life there – had suddenly ceased. The cessation of gunfire and violence and the resulting quiet should have been a welcome relief, but somehow, everyone could feel tension mounting – gathering like storm clouds in the near distance.

“Well, how bad can this possibly be?” Some said. “Our children aren’t being murdered in the streets, on our porches, or sitting in our houses anymore. They go to school and play outside without fear. Robberies and muggings have declined to almost nothing. We’ve been dealing with horrors so long we don’t know how to appreciate good fortune when it walks into our very own back yards.”

But many wondered, why?

Law Enforcement Ignores Warnings

A steady stream of ominous-looking SUVs and Hummers had been arriving for weeks along with nondescript box trucks and vans – all with deeply tinted black windows.

A citizen reported this suspicious activity to the local police department, but Chicago police were sulking because they didn’t like the negative press they were getting. A recent Department of Justice Investigation of the entire Chicago Police Department cited them for police brutality, unnecessary and excessive use of force, racial profiling, inaccurate police incident reporting that officers used to protect themselves and their colleagues, lack of proper training, and a myriad of other serious violations.

They were no longer practicing proactive policing but would attempt a sluggish response if they observed an obvious crime.

But there was no crime. None. Anywhere. That in itself should have raised police suspicions. Coupled with all the fancy new traffic arriving, it should have aroused in them a screaming sense of danger. “Eh — why bother?” they thought. What would happen if they shot someone again and were found by the public or the media to be unjustified? Again. Although they rarely faced much in the way of official retribution for their actions, the public outcry was a bit uncomfortable.

Who needs hassles, paperwork, negative press, death threats, and desk duty?

Word among the residents on the streets spread quickly. Some kind of takeover was about to go down, or at least, some attempt at one. Rumors flew of military-grade weapons brought in and armored vehicles stored in warehouses outside of the city. The shiny new Hummers and SUVs were said to be hardened, armored, power machines. Some parked in the city in vacant lots, empty warehouses, garages, and even along the streets.

Gangs Unite

Chicago gangs had united under new leadership with massive wealth and a newfound logic: Why rob and kill our own people for paltry sums of money running drugs? Compared to the drug suppliers at the top, we get nothing. Yet without us, their business here dies.

We’re not all that powerful in our little neighborhood domains when we could have so much more. We’re being used – used by wealthy drug lords and dealers who funnel their merchandise down to us. They laugh at our eagerness to maul and murder each other, willing to die young just for a tiny piece of their pie.

Gang members, already unafraid to die, were taken to training stations outside of the city to learn how to shoot with accuracy. (Stop missing your targets and hitting innocent citizens, you idiots!) They trained with handguns, sniper rifles, assault rifles, machine and sub-machine guns, shotguns, grenade launchers, and anti-tank rocket launchers. They even had a couple of tanks.
Their goal was to take over the city and hold it hostage until their demands were met.

Demands

They demanded some things that many Americans take for granted. They demanded:

an end to racially and financially segregated communities.
quality schools with modern equipment.
affordable college education.
infrastructure improvement.
incentives for developers and individuals to buy open land to build decent, affordable housing, community centers, day-care centers, parks, and commercial businesses.
incentives to purchase and rehabilitate vacant buildings or even tear down and build new structures where the old ones used to be.
exposure for children and teens to the types of careers they could have and the money they could make if they chose them. Career development would include site-visit tours to businesses.
business classes that would encourage entrepreneurship and prepare students for higher learning on general career tracks.
training in the arts re-established.
financial education in schools so that children could learn what to do with the money they earned.

They sought to revive communities with the help of community leaders and members. The end result would include a re-influx of businesses and jobs.

The city of Chicago spent massive amounts of money on improvements, developments, and ventures in wealthy and affluent areas, while closing schools in poor and “minority” neighborhoods because the city “couldn’t afford to keep them open.”

The state was without a budget throughout the past two years due to local government pissing contests. While telling people that “everyone had to suffer” to balance the budget, minorities and the poor were the only people actually suffering. Programs that assisted the working poor, the disabled and the elderly were defunded. Mentally ill patients were kicked out of mental hospitals onto the streets after payments for mental illness were halted indefinitely.

With a new United States administration in power that planned to further empower and enrich the lives of the already wealthy and kick all others to the curb, it was time for major change. For the disaffected and the disillusioned of Chicago, the “Windy City of Big Shoulders” had become the “Dingy City of Slumped Shoulders.” It was time for a revolution.

The Coup

It began at 3 a.m. on a Wednesday. The rebels seized downtown shopping areas, including the Magnificent Mile. They blocked entrances and exits to high-rise buildings. Simultaneously, they rode in from the North, South, and West, posting vehicles and armed fighters at the ends of each city block in affluent areas. Their orders were to contain the areas and try not to shoot people, but be prepared, just in case.

The purpose of their operation was to get what they needed in their communities by getting the attention of those in charge. No one paid attention to the plight of poor people and minorities, but everyone paid attention when the affluent were threatened or inconvenienced in any way – especially when wealthy wives couldn’t shop at their favorite expensive stores.

Each group of fighters included German Shepherds, Pit Bulls, and Rottweilers as guard dogs to patrol the streets and attack only on command. Lots of growling, barking, and menacing stares or gestures were allowed as necessary.

Surprisingly, there was very little violence in this surprise coup. The affluent were confident that the problems of the inner-city were of no concern to them. They felt safe, secure, and protected from “those people.” The Chicago Police no longer cared about serving and protecting, so they provided no resistance. Some personal bodyguards were injured to varying degrees. Some yappy little foo-foo dogs had a really awful day, but all-in-all, it was a not-too-shabby takeover.

Since Chicago’s mayor had done nothing for them, the rebels made their demands directly to the President via Twitter. The President responded likewise, stating, “F you ya lowlife scum. Your [sic] nasty peeple [sic]. Very, very nasty peeple. [sic]”

Trump supporters all over the US shouted, “Yeah, what he said,” and “ditto.”

The President woke the Secretary of Defense (SOD) and demanded his immediate presence in the Presidential bedroom.

The SOD stumbled in wearing his favorite GI Joe vs. He-Man pajamas. When noting that the President was wearing his “Worship Me” t-shirt, he knew that this would be bad.

Trump said, “Look at this! Who do they think they are? That dwarf mayor, umm… What’s his name?”

“Rham Emanuel, Sir.”

“Yeah, that guy. I hate him. I have always, always hated him. He’s a tiny little man with an oversized ego. Chicago is out of control. It’s a pus-filled boil on the face of my country and I’m going to pop it. It’s in a blue state, anyway. No one cares about blue states. They won’t even be missed and we’ll all be better off without them.

Hmm… Maybe I should get rid of all blue states so we can all live happily without their whining.”

In his usual capricious, over-reactive manner, Trump thought, “I’ll show them. I’m the President. I can do whatever I want, so THERE!”

Trump then ordered that the military nuke Chicago. The SOD balked, saying, “Sir, don’t you think that’s a bit harsh?”

“No, I need Americans to see an example of what happens when cities make me mad. Oh, wait. Make sure none of my relatives are there before you do that, okay? And use big bombs — really, really great big bombs. They’ll be beautiful bombs.”

Trump scowled at the man. “Well, what are you waiting for. Do it NOW!”

With a long-suffering sigh, the SOD left Trump and went to order the annihilation of Chicago. The SOD passed the command down to appropriate staff, but – as usual in this administration – there was chaos and garbled misunderstanding as staff hastened to execute the command with a lack of detail or planning.

The Hammer of Greatness

Soon, nuclear bombers were flying toward Chicago and the Midwest. Many, many nuclear bombers. The target was the entire Midwest of the United States.

Seems there was some miscommunication. Four hours after Trump’s little tantrum, bombs devastated every state in the Midwest. Mushroom clouds could be seen across the entire US, in parts of Canada, and even in Mexico. Ash, debris, and radiation traveled on the wind to other nearby states and beyond.

The breadbasket of the United States disappeared within mere minutes.

Panic across the country ensued. “What happened?” “Who will be next?” “What about the radiation?” “What about my family?” “Who did this and why?”

People in surrounding states feared for their lives, but where was there to go? No place in the US felt safe anymore.

Trump tweeted that he would hold a press conference from his super-safe, underground, gold-plated mansion. At the press conference, he explained that all was going well, just as planned. He needed to get rid of the great unwashed masses of the Midwest to help Make America Great Again.

Leftover Trump supporters all over the US shouted, “Yeah, what he said” and “ditto.”

Refugees

People who could no longer live in a country run by a madman sought relocation in other countries. Some tried to go to Mexico, but couldn’t get past The Wall. They set up refugee camps outside the wall, hoping that Mexicans would tear it down and rescue them. Others sought refuge in Canada. The Canadians — ever so helpful and polite – welcomed the refugees with open arms and gave them free health care, but each refugee had to sign an affidavit stating that they had not voted for Trump. There were obvious, logical reasons for that.

The rich bought some other country in which to live their opulent lives.

Meanwhile, financial markets around the world crashed, with confidence plummeting to an all-time low. Devaluation of currency and Global depression resulted. The US economy imploded.

Starvation set in for many, as the Midwest was the heart of the country’s food source and deliveries from other countries halted. President Trump tweeted, “Don’t worry, we still have produce from California and Florida, and we still have Texas for some meat.” At a press conference, Trump said, “We have a lot less food, but we also have fewer people to share it with.” And look! We are great again. Look at Melania. Doesn’t she look great?” He turned his head away from Melania to peruse the five journalists left in the White House press corps, and Melania mouthed, “Help me,” to the cameras.

Hungry Trump supporters without much energy left mumbled, “Yeah, what he said.” and “ditto.” They believed themselves to be shouting, but it sounded more like the whispering of dry wheat rustling in a breeze.

Russia

Vladimir Putin sat at his desk in Russia with his feet up, shirt off, sporting a grin so wide his face could barely contain it. His eyes sparkled like gems and he looked 20 years younger. “See?” he said, “I knew I chose the right guy. America is in ruins and Russia is strong. Let us go for celebration, yes?”

… To be continued…

#MakeAmericaGreatAgain #Trump