Dear God

Dear God,

I don’t belong here.

Where are my comforting justification filters that allow me to feel good about doing bad things?

Where are my blinders that keep me looking at only what I want to see instead of seeing all that surrounds me?

Where are my weapons and battlements and shields? How am I supposed to protect myself in a caustic human world without them?

I’m like a shellfish without a shell here, so where’s my stuff?

Where is my desire to hurt, humiliate, degrade and control others?

Where is my compulsion to lie, cheat, and steal?

Where is my lust for power and where is my greed?

Where is my urge to stab people in the back when they get ahead of me, to denigrate others simply because I need to feel better than them?

Where is my ability to enjoy causing grief for others and gain from their misery?

Where is my cunning, double-dealing deceit?

Where is my smiling insincerity?

Others seem to have these tools. In all honesty, I wish I didn’t need them, but it looks like I do.

I tried to make my own shell to live in, but it’s not as strong as the ones you gave everyone else.

I know you don’t make mistakes, so maybe I’m an experiment. Or maybe somebody thought it would be an amusing practical joke to snatch all my stuff away while I was on my way down here. If so, it’s not at all funny.

So now I seek solitude, with none but myself. Here, there is no one to poke me, step on me, stab me, jab me, mangle me, betray me, or hurt me in any of the other myriad ways that humans seem to enjoy.

I feel better this way. I can breathe and move freely. I can dance. I can sing. I can even think clearly. I see far and wide, surrounding myself with nature and the comfort of just being myself because with others, I feel…

I don’t belong here.