End of the World (again) 2

End of the World (for real, this time) Part 2 of 3

Archangel Michael convened the meeting. Including himself, 8 archangels were present -- Azrael, Gabriel, Jeremial, Metatron, Raguel, Raphael and Uriel. Satan and his immediate surroundings were projected on a life-sized monitor for all to see.

An adorable little cherub was seated at the foot of the conference table to take minutes. A tech-cherub deftly set up the communications equipment. She would be in attendance for technical consultation, if needed.

"The first order of business," said Michael, "is announcing the End-Time to the world population. This will allow them time to prepare themselves for judgment if they so desire. We have discovered that a great number of people pay no attention to information that is not provided electronically. Some do not even speak to others anymore. They use 'text messages' and 'twits' to communicate."

"Um... if I may say so," said Techy, the tech cherub timidly, "They're called 'tweets,' rather than 'twits'."

"Oh, yes, thank you," said Michael.

Michael continued. "We need to arrange communication that will reach everyone. Does anyone have suggestions?"

Everyone looked questioningly around the table.

Since no one said anything, Techy said, "I think I may have a solution. In addition to the traditional presentation of resplendent embellishments, I believe we should communicate via email, text message, Twitter, Facebook, e-book readers, LinkedIn, Snapchat, and Pinterest. Maybe Even web advertising and television commercials. We could even start a blog for discourse among people. Oh, and let's not forget YouTube. Those should pretty much cover everything."

"What about those robot dials?" asked Gabriel.

"Oh, you mean robocalls?"

"Okay," said Gabriel.

"Well, most people hate those and just hang up, but we could just send them only to shut-ins. Many of them like to get calls of any kind."

"Does anyone disagree with use of the communication options suggested by Techy?" asked Gabriel.

No one offered disagreement, so Michael brought the next topic to the table.

"What shall we say in our communications?"

"Well," said Gabriel. "I believe we should keep it simple. How about, 'The End Days are about to commence. Open your hearts to nourish peace, love, kindness and forgiveness in your heart. Seek clemency for your sins. Be good to one another and be good to the earth. Then you shall be raised.'"

Satan cleared his throat and said, "What about me?"

"Yes, Beezel," said Michael.

"Stop calling me Beezel!" boomed Satan, red, pupil-less eyes flaring.

"I would like to send my own message. It should say, 'Pay no attention to End Days. It is a new beginning. I can offer the pleasures of chaos/anarchy, decadence and debauchery. You'll provide and receive soul-numbing pain. Deviant desires will be fulfilled; all in a hyper-tropical weather environment. S&Ms especially welcome.'"

"That sounds more like an advertisement for psychopaths than an advisory," said Gabriel, as he stared at something strange happening behind Satan. "Anyone who actually intentionally wants that deserves to be there, but I will not send such a message."

"It says what I intend and I will send it myself," said Satan. "Besides, what are you offering that's so great?"

"Well," said Gabriel, smiling, "in just one of our many environments, there will be grove after grove of succulent fruit and berry trees (no apples). Between the groves will be huge meadows full of colorful wildflowers of every hue imaginable and tall grasses. There will be homes underneath the skirts of willow trees. There will be pleasure music and when it rains, everyone it touches will feel peace, contentment, love and joy.

Another of our environments offers a magnificent experience, similar to the Maldives, with breathtaking views and experiences all around. There are islands with white-sand beaches, diverse flora and fauna, gardens of open-sea reefs, houses and walkways on the sea.

All of our environments – of which there are many – offer a vacation-like paradise designed for every taste. Every preference is accommodated and all one has to do to arrive at the perfect destination is to wish it to be so. Every happiness is fulfilled. However, our most glorious experience is simply basking in the love of the Creator.

Satan gave a derisive snort. “Fine," he said. "Just make sure you don't leave any of your 'good' people behind. They are no fun. Quite boring, in fact."

"We accept all good people. Unlike the humans believe, good people are not chosen by religion. We accept all -- no matter the religion -- atheists and agnostics, as well," said Gabriel, who was again distracted by the happenings behind Satan.

"Beezel, what is happening behind you?" asked Gabriel.

Satan growled and glowered at the use of his silly nickname, then looked over his shoulder.

"Oh, that's our new confectionery craze for the anti-holiday. Christians! We take failed Christians and immerse them in chocolate, then distribute them in boxes of 12. Chocolate-covered Christians. They're going like hot cakes!"

Gabriel sighed in exasperation. "It's Christmas, not Christians."

"You do things your way and I do things my way. We celebrate anti-holidays for all denominations," said Satan. "Why, we even have a holiday called Atheeaster, where we all participate in a raucously joyous celebration of nothing .

See... We chase down and devour live rabbits and bunnies, then we gobble deviled eggs for desert, causing much belching and farting in the Great Hall. Ha! Betcha can't beat that!"

"Enough," said Michael. "Do we all agree on the current proposals?"

"Yes," mumbled everyone.

"Good," said Michael. "Now, the last item on the agenda -- How do we end the world?"